Utterly Offended

As you all know, I turned the big 5-0 a little over a week ago.  My annual physical falls in the May timeframe so each year, shortly after my birthday, I've had the pleasure of getting checked out and given the "you'll probably last another year" clearance to keep on, keepin' on.

Today was the day for this year's physical!  But first; a back story...

About 10 years ago, just before I turned 40, I had a couple of buddies who'd just turned 40 and had gone to get their annual physicals.  Their docs had informed them that now that they were 40, their physicals would include the jelly finger inspection of the bat cave.

Well, that wasn't anything I was looking forward to but who am I to argue with modern medicine?  I resigned myself to my fate and went to my physical with some trepidation.  However, after the doc had checked the usual stuff and said we were done, my bat cave was still as virginal and uninvaded as the day I was born.  So what gives?

My sphincter was telling me to shut up but my brain went ahead and asked anyway; why no inspection of the rear cavalry?  My doc explained that inspections weren't necessary until we turned 50, unless there's family history that dictates an earlier inspection.  Huh...

I went back and checked with my buddies and they both said neither of them had any family history, but both of their docs had said that the checks start at age 40.

So now I'm thinking what the hell?  Does my doc not find me attractive?

Anyway, fast forward to this year.  Now that I'm 50, I figure my doc owes me.  I'm not saying I wanted the earthly version of an alien probing but at the same time, I need to feel validated.  He's been dogging me for 10 years, I'm due for this.  (I'm thinking maybe a soft song playing in the background while we talk sports scores just to keep things on the up and up.)

So what does he lay on me today?  According to him, docs aren't doing the lube-ectomy any longer, now a full-on colonoscopy is required, and his office will be calling me in a week or so to set that up. 
The rat bastard.  First he pushes me off for 10 years and when that window ends, he now pushes me on to someone else!  (On a good note, if nothing is found, then I'm in the clear for 10 years.)

Seeing your doc for a physical is supposed to be a good thing.  He checks your health, sees how you're doing, advises ways to improve things, etc.  He's not supposed to instill a rejection complex.

This is Boy Scouts all over again...