And now for something completely different...

So a while back, I made a comment that I may have to make a sacrifice to the weather gods, to thank them for the extended riding weather. I had even commented that maybe I would sacrifice the new Heineken beer keg that I’d bought. Well, I’ve been remiss in that regard, as the beer keg has remained untapped and unsacrificed…until now. Now…it’s Monday night - Monday Night Football is on…and my beloved Patriots are playing tonight. So now is the perfect time…the perfect place…the perfect scenario for the sacrifice of a beer keg. So without any further ado, here’s the steps I went through to tap this keg.

Ok hold on - you may be thinking “What the hell is he talking about - is he actually saying he doesn’t know how to tap a keg??” Trust me, I know how to tap a keg as well as the next person. But I’ve never tapped one of these mini kegs - and you know how I like to do little play-by-play breakdowns and goof around with things. So sit back and let’s have some fun…

Here we see the first shot - I figured tapping the keg right on the coffee table would be a good idea. Right in front of the TV, within easy reach of where we’d be sitting…it made perfect sense. Oh but wait, it’s probably not a good idea to tap a keg right next to the laptop…

So, I moved the keg over to the counter.

Here’s a shot of the instructions. Wow, talk about real in-depth, easy and precise, oh-so-nice, clear and concise directions. Hey look - it’s pictionary!

Only two moving parts? Huh…pretty sure that even I can’t screw it up if there’s only two moving parts.

Despite my confidence (having only found two moving parts to deal with), I figured there was still a good chance of making a mess, so I opted to move the keg down onto the floor.

Ok, so here we go. The first step is to take the round thingie and press it onto the top of the keg thingie, making sure to line up the round slot from the top of the keg thingie with the ring from the round thingie. ("Thingie" is the technical term, but I suppose I could have used thingamabob or whutzyacallit.)

Then press the nozzle thingie down into the receiving hole of the round thingie. But - and this is important! - don’t press down hard on the nozzle thingie! Because if you do, the beer starts shooting out!

Bad keg, Bad! You piddled on the floor!
Dispensing the beer is pretty simple; either press directly down on the spout, or flip the round lever forward and use that to press down on the spout...

So let’s test this bad boy out! (Do I lose points for using a Sam Adams glass?)

It pours well…tastes like normal Heinekan beer…but, I’m disappointed in the carbonation. It comes out pretty flat…very flat, actually. Brother Bill was assisting me with the consumption aspect and said that we should look on the bright side; having little carbonation meant we could proceed at a faster pace, without worry of those annoying little bubbles getting in the way. After all, we're watching our Patriots kick some ass on Monday Night Football - no need to stand on ceremony here; we just want beer, right? (Brother Bill is wise!)

So all in all, it was kinda fun to try, but I won’t be buying another one of these mini kegs. (But that didn’t stop us from finishing it off while we watched the Pats dismantle another team – Go Pats!)

And that is the saga of the mini beer keg.
Cheers!