Identity Crisis

I started doing my taxes yesterday and when I was going through all the "important tax information enclosed" letters, I came across one from the IRS.  Huh.  I don't remember receiving this one (but I obviously did, and obviously filed it with the rest of my tax stuff).

Anyway, I opened it to find that my identity had been stolen, and that whoever did so, had filed a return under my name, using my SSN.  What - The - Fcuk?

Fortunately, something about that return had kicked off a red flag on the IRS's side so they sent me the letter to confirm that the return was authentic.  I called the phone number they listed, and after waiting on line for a refreshingly not-too-long time, got to speak to a very nice lady.  She was all kinds of official, giving me her name and IRS worker #, and informed me that the call was being recorded.

Long story short (I know; too late), she put a stop on the fraudulent return (they hadn't sent any money yet) and said I need to paper file this year, will have to paper-file next year, and may have to paper-file going forward now.  I've been e-filing for years, but if paper filing will keep things legit (and keep my money out of the hands of douchebags), I can live with it.

I also need to contact the police, FTC, credit bureaus, banks, etc. and let them know, as well as check to see if there has been any fraudulent activity in my name.  What a pain in the balls.  It's enough to make one drink.  Or take the bike for a nice long ride.  Or both.  Nah, not both.  Not at the same time, anyway.

Ride Hard, Take Chances

Spoiled Brat

As I rolled up the garage door this morning, I was greeted with a blast of bitter cold air.  What the hell…  I thought we were supposed to have a warm-up this week?  Enough of this crap!  Enough of the cold!  Enough of bundling up under multiple layers!  I want warm and mild temps!

Then I remembered that I’ve got nothing to complain about; this winter has been fantastic, and I need to be appreciative of that, rather than acting like a spoiled kid.

(I still want warm temps, though.  All the better for seeing scantily clad ladies.)

Ride Hard, Take Chances

RIP Bruce

Hard to believe that Bruce has left us.  I didn't get to hang with him that often but the times I did; he was a lot of fun.  Had a great heart, too.  One time when we crossed paths at Arkport Harley (he worked there and I was needing parts), he grabbed his tools and used his breaktime to fix my Shovelhead in the parking lot, then didn't ask for a dime - just asked that I tell King he said hello.

You will be sorely missed, Chum.

Ride Free.

Angry Weather Gods & Olean VFW Pic Addendum Part II

Wow, that's quite a title.  Let's dive in to things and see what's going on, shall we?

The weather gods were not happy with me after yesterday's post, where I basically told them to go F themselves.  A fast moving (and not surprisingly; 'very isolated') cloud system came in hard and fast, just to visit me on the ride home.  I call it a "cloud" system, rather than a "storm" system, because it really was just one solitary cloud.  There was sunshine behind me, in front of me, to my left...but not to my right.  To my right was the aforementioned cloud, all full of blackness and nastiness.

I thought I'd be able to outrun it but a chance meeting on the exit stairwell with a coworker (wanting to discuss a project I'm trying to cancel), delayed me by a mere 5 minutes.  That 5 miutes was all the weather gods needed to muster their wrath.

As I mentioned, I thought I could outrun it so I didn't even bother to put my riding pants on.  I figured the time would be better spent trying to get out of dodge, than making sure my legs were weather-protected.  I would soon rue that decision.

I hadn't even made it out of Natick before the raindrops began falling.  And they were big 'uns!  (As Forrest Gump said in his movie; "Big 'ol FAT rain!")  And it didn't stop there, I'm pretty sure that in between being hammered with those thimble-sized bullets of rain, I saw some hail bounce off of me, too.

The more asute of you will realize that when there is hail, it usually means drastically cold temps are sweeping in with the rain.  And when I say "sweeping in", I mean high, whipping winds that were buffeting me about.

Good times!  Heavy rain (and possible sleet), bone-chilling high winds, and I'm soaked from waist down.  (Sounds like the intro to a porno...)

Anyway, in the long run, the weather gods let me off with a warning because by the time I was home, the mini-maelstrom had passed.  I was still pretty damp, but at least I was able to see again.

Now each night when I get home, I head out to my mailbox to retrieve the day's bills (more good times).  Today, however, I had something that wasn't a bill!  It was a letter, from Lynner!!  I wonder what it is?

She'd written "Do Not Bend" on the envelope so I assumed it was a photo that she'd printed out and was sending.  But it didn't feel like there was a picture inside - that kind of paper is usually a bit thicker than normal paper.  Now I'm starting to get intrigued...

Once I had tucked the bike in the garage and was inside, I set everything down and opened up the envelope.  Nope, no picture inside, but there was a handwritten note, and..what's this little thing tucked in with it?  It's a small square piece of plastic with some lettering on it?

I love old stuff like this!  But what the hell is it??  Thankfully, Lynner explained what it was; it was a token for the VFW, good for 10 cents toward food or drink, and she said it was probably from the 1940's or 1950's!  How frikkin' cool is that!!  She sent it to me to add to my collection in my bar.  Thanks Lynner!  I definitely owe you a drink the next time I see you - which will be in 66 days, which she had also noted on her letter.  :-)

All in all, a good day.  A bit of a reprimand from the weather gods, but an awesome surprise from Lynner was waiting when I got home.  I'll take a day like that anyday.

Ride Hard, Take Chances

Never Poke A Sleeping Bear

As the saying goes; leave well enough alone.  Things had been going great so far this winter.  Minimal snow (overall), mild temps, lots of riding…basically; lots of weather bullets dodged.  And then I went and got cocky.  I bragged about how the mild winter was due to me having bought a snowblower, and that we should all be thankful for that.  And now what happens?

They’re saying there’s a weather pattern shaping up for Sunday afternoon into Monday morning which could become a Nor’Easter.  A SNOW Nor’Easter.  Hmmm…does anything about that ring a bell?  A Nor’Easter coming into town on a Sunday afternoon and stretching into Monday morning’s commute?  Yeah; it sounds a lot like what we got repeatedly hit with last winter.  And here we (potentially) are once again.

Ok, Weather Gods, ok!  I get it!  Mea Culpa!  My hubris has called down your wrath!  I humbly and sincerely apologize!  Take back your weapons of doom and spare us from this devastation!

(Or; go F yourselves…temps are going to be in the 40’s on Tuesday, and into the 60’s by Thursday.  Whatever you throw our way is too late in the season to have a lasting impact.)

Either way, I’ll be planning to ride unless it’s a complete mess out there.

Ride Hard, Take Chances when riling the weather gods...

A King's Holiday

I realized this morning that I never posted anything about the King and Queen’s winter.  You see, for as not-bad a winter as the rest of us have had, Dabeed and Pat have been enjoying a much better one.  They’ve been in Myrtle Beach for the past couple of months, enjoying better weather than we have had.

Myrtle Beach!  Am I jealous?  Or course, but they deserve it.  They’ve certainly paid their dues over the years.  Hell, anyone that didn’t jump at the chance to get away from the winter season that Olean brings, with its bitter artic temps and lake-effect snowfalls, would be a court jester (fool).  My winter hasn’t even been that bad, but I still wish I’d been in Myrtle Beach for the past couple of months!  (But since it wasn’t me, I’m glad it was folks that I know.)

Like all good things, though, their winter escape is drawing to a close; King says they’re due back home on Saturday.  But it’s not all bad, for like the return of the Robins in my back yard; the return of the Royal Couple signals that Winter is just about over and Spring is right around the corner.

Welcome back, King and Pat!  Hopefully you'll remember to pack gifts of warmth and sunshine for all of your loyal subjects.  J

Ride Hard, Take Chances

Talisman

I think by now we can all pretty much agree that this has been a non - winter season that we've enjoyed this year.  A far cry from last year's snowmageddon, for sure.

But to what do we owe this fortune? What has aligned in the universe to grant us such a fantastic winter?

Sure, we've heard talk of jet streams and weather patterns like El Nino and La Nina (I  tried putting the little tilde above the n's, but my phone won't have any of that), but come on. We've lived through those phenomena before and have never seen a winter like this. So what  is the real reason then??

Would you be surprised if I said I had the answer? Would you be even more surprised if I said "You're welcome"?

The  answer is simple, you see;

That's right,  I bought a snow blower. For years I have shoveled and actually enjoyed the exercise but after last year's back-breaking totals, I finally relented and picked up a (used) snow blower. So of course we  received basically one minor, barely shovelable snow storm and the rest of the winter has been gloriously clear roadways and lots and lots of miles.

It cost me some green but for what we got in return, it was well, well worth it.

You're welcome.

Ride Hard, Take Chances

Counting Calories

I was riding one of the girls in the elevator this morning…whoops, I mean riding “up with” one of the girls, and she mentioned she’d been drinking Angry Orchards because they’re lighter and don’t have as many calories as beers.  I was pretty sure that wasn’t the case so we decided to look up the nutritional values of some of the drinks we like…

Her Angry Orchards came in a 210 calories.  Far higher than what she’d thought, and left her a bit dismayed because she likes how they taste, more than beer.  But, there were a couple of beers she can tolerate, so our research continued.

Blue Moon was up next, and that was no better, slightly higher in fact, at 228 calories.  She wasn’t liking how this was turning but so we checked another one she likes…

Hoegaarden Wheat was a bit of an improvement at 176…but still higher than what she was hoping to find in her quiver of go-to drinks.

Just for laughs, I showed her that Bud Light is only 110 calories but the scrunched up look on her face told me she wasn’t ready to go that low yet.  She did ask me to check Miller Lite, which was the lowest, at 96, but she wasn’t going to start drinking those, either.  Two more beers came to her mind; Corona (regular, not light), which wound up at 148, and Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale, which came in at 190 - neither of which brought her too much excitement.  She did, however, ask me to check Bud Light Lime, as those aren’t too terrible (her words), and they came in at 116 calories.  Much better than the others we’d checked, while not containing the apparent nasty taste that regular Bud Light or Miller Lite have.  So she was somewhat content at that.

Then she asked me what I like and I said stouts.  “Like Guinness?”, she asked.  I said well…kinda…I mean; Guinness is a stout, but it’s not really a favorite of mine (but I looked I up, anyway; 125.  Not too shabby, and yes; I’m aware that Guinness is technically considered a light beer.)

I said no, what I prefer is something like a Founders Breakfast Stout, so I (hesitantly) looked that one up.  Zoinks…270 calories.  No wonder it tastes so good!

And then I went big.  The white whale.  “Sex in a glass” as Matty calls it; Southern Tier Crème Brulee Stout.  Holy shyte!  I was prepared for bad news but this was pure tragedy!  528 calories!!  How is that even possible?  How can they squeeze that much sugar into something that’s already crammed to the brim with smooth and creamy deliciousness??

And then I saw the serving size that was listed; 22 oz.  Whoa, whoa, whoa…I’d love to have a nice 22 oz glass of this stuff sitting in front of me right now, but the question at hand is how many calories are in 12 ounces.  Let’s keep the measuring sticks on par with each other, shall we?

I did the math (confirming it with further interweb searches) and this heavenly stuff still comes away as the clear winner from this selection of libations; 288 well-worth-it calories.  Why is it that things that taste so good are always so bad for us?

 

No matter!  I still want to go out and find some of this delectable drink right now!

Alas, it’s 9:45 on a Wednesday morning and I should probably get some work done...

Ride Hard, Take Chances

Company!

I crossed paths with another rider on my way in to work this morning.  He was going in the opposite direction but we did the nonchalant wave as we sped past each other and on toward our respective destinations.  I imagine this will get more common as the temps continue to rise, but it was a brisk 31 out this morning so I wasn’t expecting to see anyone else for a while.  Hell, at least not until…well…tomorrow, when the temps are supposed to hit 70!!  Wa-Hoo!

Tons of rain forecast for Thursday but we need it.  The plow guys went frikkin’ ballistic last week with the salt.  We had a skimcoat of precipitation and I think they’ve been feeling the pinch in their wallets due to the lack of plowing income, so they all hit the roadways to make up for lost time.  Seriously.  Many of the roads around here couldn’t be whiter if you’d broken out buckets of whitewash paint and rolled a few coats down.

It’s so bad (“How bad is it?”) that when you go for a ride, it’s like you’re flying through tender puffs of gentle clouds…except the pretty clouds are actually billowing wafts of toxic chemicals.  Delightful.

Anyway, the rain on Thursday should get rid of all of that nasty white stuff.

At least until Friday, when we’re slated to get another skimcoat…

Ride Hard, Take Chances Breathing

Brrr...Feels Like Winter Out There

This morning was a brisk 20 degrees on the ride in.  I've been getting spoiled lately with all the hovering-around-freezing temps we've been enjoying.  Not today, though!  Today was a bit of a wake up call that we're still in the throes of winter.

But for how long?  The forecasts are talking about a major warm up next week.  Temps in the 50's!  60's!!  And maybe even a shot at 70 on Thursday!!  Wa-Hoo!  Time to break out the shorts and tank tops!

Ok, I shouldn't get ahead of myself.  I've still got a ride home ahead of me (in a few hours), and the temps are diving again.  It's gonna be brisk again!

Ride Hard, Take Chances

Scary Stuff Out There

Yesterday afternoon, I was in line behind a pickup truck, waiting to exit a parking lot (it was a thin, “Exit Only” lane, with only room for one line of vehicles, which were exiting). 

Along comes a maroon Lexus, driven by a late-middle-aged woman who begins to pull in to the exit-only opening.  Only when she was about 5 feet from hitting the pickup’s front end did it seem to register with her that she was doing something wrong, and she slammed on the brakes. 

She then went to put her car into reverse, but took her foot of the brake, and – being an automatic – the vehicle began moving forward again – closer to the pickup truck (I can only imagine what the truck’s driver was thinking). 

She slammed the brakes again, put the car into reverse, and then proceeded – without checking!!..her eyes were still looking forward!! - to back out into the road.  No care or even awareness that other traffic was coming up behind her (and which had to swerve around her to avoid a collision). 

After backing out into said road, she went to put her vehicle into drive, but took her foot off the brake, and – again; being an automatic – the vehicle began moving backwards again, further into the road, causing another car to swerve around her to avoid a collision. 

She slammed the brakes yet again, put the car into drive, and proceeded to pull completely into the road - again; without any seeming awareness that there was other traffic around her (other raffic, which had to slam on their own brakes to avoid rear-ending her).  Not once did she look in any of her mirrors to check for other vehicles, she just drove out into the road and continued on her way, as if she were the only vehicle on the planet. 

And here’s where we get to the really scary part.  As the car rode by and off to…(wherever she was next going to wreak havoc), my eyes were met with the gaze from a very young child, strapped in a car seat in the back seat, and looking out at the world around her.  The look on the child’s face registered sheer confusion. 

I’m sure the looks of all the drivers she almost hit, registered shock and anger. 

I sure hope that kid survives childhood. 

Ride Hard, Take Chances