Getting Stoned

Where the hell have I been lately? No posting? No pics? No write-ups? What the hell, Man?? Sorry folks, been busy at work. But if it's a post you want, it's a post you'll get! Here's a little something from this past weekend.

You've heard of the tooth fairy, yes? Lose a tooth, get a quarter? Well, Saturday morning, I was visited by the tooth fairy's bastard brother; the kidney stone fairy. And that F*cker doesn't leave you with anything other than the triple-sensation of;
Being kicked in the sack by a reeeeally mad kangaroo,
+ Being kneed in the stomach by a reeeeally mad Bruce Lee,
+ Being kidney punched repeatedly by a reeeeally mad Mike Tyson.
(And then, just for good measure, why don't you add a few practice swings with a baseball bat to the chestnuts, just for good measure.) Yeah, not so much fun, that wasn't.

But to back up a little; There I was, minding my own business watching a bit of TV when I noticed some slight discomfort on my right side. Ok, nothing serious, maybe I sat on my nut a little. I'll just adjust and let things settle down. Well, they didn't settle down, the slight discomfort remained for a couple of hours and then suddenly started getting worse. And by worse, I mean that within about 45 minutes, I was doubled over in agony. Then, to make matters worse, I had to scramble for a trash bin because I thought for sure I was going to start puking my guts out. That feeling passed, followed immediately by a fun feeling that I was about to pass out. Hey, we're having some fun, now!

I've never had one of these things before so my mind started freaking out, telling me all kinds of worst-case scenarios, finally settling on; it must be my appendix is bursting. And having heard nothing but very bad things about that scenario, I figured I needed to get myself looked at.

I wanted to take the bike but in the off chance I'd be stuck overnight, I didn't want it left in the parking lot, unprotected, so I jumped in the Jeep. That was probably a good thing, though, because it's no fun when you want to pass out, but the sensation of being about to puke keeps bringing you back around. Wheeeee!

I got to the hospital and got admitted pretty quickly. (Actually, the admitting nurse said right off; "It sounds like you've got a kidney stone - I hear those are more painful than giving birth." Hey, thanks! Now I've got that to look forward to!) Anyway, once I finally got into the examination room, the doc and nurses were great. They even gave me an injection of this wonderful stuff - you may have heard of it before? Morphine? Yeah, all my problems were gone once that stuff hit my bloodstream.

Anywho; long story short, they gave me a CAT scan and sure enough; kidney stone. They said it was 4 inches in diameter...whooops, I mean 4mm. Still, when you're talking about something that has to move through very tiny tubes inside my body, 4mm is still pretty big!

All in all, after about 4 hours, I was on my way back home (don't tell anyone; I wasn't supposed to be driving with the Morphine in me). A quick stop at the pharmacy for some pain meds (and ice cream) and I was back home and lounging again.

You want more details? Sure, I'll give you more details. Besides, we're all adults here, right? I gotta strain my urine through this filter they gave me, and see if I find the stone. Nothing yet, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. But the tricky question is whether I can still take off for the Kentucky trip this week. I asked the doc at the hospital and he said if I’d passed the stone, then yeah, I’d probably be ok, but if not, then I was taking a chance. So you can see why I need to get this thing out of me! Which reminds me; I need to drink some more water… And believe me; I've been drinking enough water to hydrate a rain forest.

So here's hoping things work (their way) out ok...